Tuesday 26 March 2013
Its not easy
Its never been easy.. Even from the beginning of it... My fault for letting everythg happen.. And until now its always my fault. May it be good or bad thing. I have never been good in the eyes of his mom. Yeap.. I may not pretty... Even worst im not from kampong.. I know from the beginning we are not meant to be together if this thing happen continuosly...:( i need strength O Lord! More strength to face everythg! Let time heals.. Let time decide everythg...
Thursday 21 March 2013
InDaH pAda waKtuNya ^_^
yaii~~~ its been awhileee oooo since i update my blog.. hahahha.. well, its been awhile and soo many things happen.. out of my control.. sitting down in front of the computer, i suddenly recall how 2012 had been sooooo mean and cruel to me.. losing 2 family members, being jobless, family problems... wow, you can name it,all the bad things happened to me...
phewww!!! wat a bad dragon year for me huh! many married couple excited to get new family members, i hope and pray that it is the good thing happen to them.... they receive bundle of joy, but i lost two immediate family members.
May 5, 2012, the day i lost my very young, a good handyman, a father of 4, a husband, a brother to my mother whom i call him UNCLE. the tragedy happen at Tanjung Lipat, a place where we used to have picnic by the sea side and the men in the family will go merambat for the fish.. nah, at that particular day is a public Holiday for wesak day and also weekend. so, the night before, my late uncle is the one who rally get excited to go for the picnic. He woke up early that day, which he dont really do, put on white long sleeve t-shirt and prepare the food to bring. he even manage to go for bfast with his wife before they left. and they arrived there at about 7am... i just cant recall how many of them, either 3@4, my late uncle, my big uncle and my cousin in law. so to make it short, my uncle drown because maybe, the current inside the sea pull him and he just cannot fight it.. my cousin in-law tried to push him, but he also cannot hold on to the current, if he try to save him, he might also b drown. phewwww! :'( in a blink of an eye, he disappear and my cousin in law shout for help, they tried to seek for help from the boat nearby, few minutes later, my late uncle's body float, and they pull him and try to give CPR, but useless, blood already come out from the mouth and nose...they rush him to Likas Hospital, everyone are told, and unfortunately, that particular weekend, im was not around, i was at Bundu Tuhan Retreat Center for a retreat..Phew!!! i just cannot think, i dunno how am i going to go home at that time...did i question God? yes i did.. asking Him why did he do this to me? to my family? amd to his wife and children? especially the day after is his wedding anniversary???? isn't that cruel enuf to happen?? and yeah, after this happen, everyone believe there areee too many sign already bfore it happen... i myself dreamed my molar teeth broke and fell on its own couple of days before that tragedy happened. my aunty which is my late uncle's wife also dreamed the same thing, but hers worst than mine. he dreamed all of her teeth broke in to pieces.. yes this is the sign which we cant just take for granted. u'll say that its only a dream, ridiculous and so on, but i believe sometimes we have to respect our ancestor belief. :)
not long after my uncle passed away, there we go again.. another mourning time... my dearest grandmother was called to eternal rest 3 days after my birthday and the day i was not around AGAIN. why i am not around??. this time i was in Tambunan joining the Sabah Youth Day 3... This time i really feel burden with everythg. i am really into the syd thingy, i have been jobless just to give my time to this big event.. only 3 days being part of the SYD-3 family, and i have to pack my bags and go home!!! its sad, but yeah, blood is thicker than water, again it reminds me that my family need me the most at this moment... and u know wut,that morning my dad called me telling me wat is happening and asked me to go home, i was soo afraid to hold my hanphone as im afraid to receive any text and call from them. ok, to make it short, i thanked God for a good samariton who willingly to drive me and my two younger sisters home all the way from tambunan to my house in Penampang. and i reach home safely at midnight to join my family for the mourning. eventhough i cant finish my syd3 thing, i believe, that i celebrate it with my family in a different way..
That is when i see God really work in His own way and time. He shows me that He is Love and he never leave me in times of trouble... this is wat i learn from this 2 big event in my life throughout 2012, that God really works in His time.. His beautiful times.. being jobless, so that i can concentrate with my family, being jobless but still, He provides me with everything... never He abandoned me, and never he let me starve. :) And that i am proud to say that He is my God. :))
phewww!!! wat a bad dragon year for me huh! many married couple excited to get new family members, i hope and pray that it is the good thing happen to them.... they receive bundle of joy, but i lost two immediate family members.
May 5, 2012, the day i lost my very young, a good handyman, a father of 4, a husband, a brother to my mother whom i call him UNCLE. the tragedy happen at Tanjung Lipat, a place where we used to have picnic by the sea side and the men in the family will go merambat for the fish.. nah, at that particular day is a public Holiday for wesak day and also weekend. so, the night before, my late uncle is the one who rally get excited to go for the picnic. He woke up early that day, which he dont really do, put on white long sleeve t-shirt and prepare the food to bring. he even manage to go for bfast with his wife before they left. and they arrived there at about 7am... i just cant recall how many of them, either 3@4, my late uncle, my big uncle and my cousin in law. so to make it short, my uncle drown because maybe, the current inside the sea pull him and he just cannot fight it.. my cousin in-law tried to push him, but he also cannot hold on to the current, if he try to save him, he might also b drown. phewwww! :'( in a blink of an eye, he disappear and my cousin in law shout for help, they tried to seek for help from the boat nearby, few minutes later, my late uncle's body float, and they pull him and try to give CPR, but useless, blood already come out from the mouth and nose...they rush him to Likas Hospital, everyone are told, and unfortunately, that particular weekend, im was not around, i was at Bundu Tuhan Retreat Center for a retreat..Phew!!! i just cannot think, i dunno how am i going to go home at that time...did i question God? yes i did.. asking Him why did he do this to me? to my family? amd to his wife and children? especially the day after is his wedding anniversary???? isn't that cruel enuf to happen?? and yeah, after this happen, everyone believe there areee too many sign already bfore it happen... i myself dreamed my molar teeth broke and fell on its own couple of days before that tragedy happened. my aunty which is my late uncle's wife also dreamed the same thing, but hers worst than mine. he dreamed all of her teeth broke in to pieces.. yes this is the sign which we cant just take for granted. u'll say that its only a dream, ridiculous and so on, but i believe sometimes we have to respect our ancestor belief. :)
not long after my uncle passed away, there we go again.. another mourning time... my dearest grandmother was called to eternal rest 3 days after my birthday and the day i was not around AGAIN. why i am not around??. this time i was in Tambunan joining the Sabah Youth Day 3... This time i really feel burden with everythg. i am really into the syd thingy, i have been jobless just to give my time to this big event.. only 3 days being part of the SYD-3 family, and i have to pack my bags and go home!!! its sad, but yeah, blood is thicker than water, again it reminds me that my family need me the most at this moment... and u know wut,that morning my dad called me telling me wat is happening and asked me to go home, i was soo afraid to hold my hanphone as im afraid to receive any text and call from them. ok, to make it short, i thanked God for a good samariton who willingly to drive me and my two younger sisters home all the way from tambunan to my house in Penampang. and i reach home safely at midnight to join my family for the mourning. eventhough i cant finish my syd3 thing, i believe, that i celebrate it with my family in a different way..
That is when i see God really work in His own way and time. He shows me that He is Love and he never leave me in times of trouble... this is wat i learn from this 2 big event in my life throughout 2012, that God really works in His time.. His beautiful times.. being jobless, so that i can concentrate with my family, being jobless but still, He provides me with everything... never He abandoned me, and never he let me starve. :) And that i am proud to say that He is my God. :))
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| In His Perfect Time.... |
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| God's plan never to destroy us, but to save us... |
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| perfectly said... |
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