Its not easy

Its never been easy.. Even from the beginning of it... My fault for letting everythg happen.. And until now its always my fault. May it be good or bad thing. I have never been good in the eyes of his mom. Yeap.. I may not pretty... Even worst im not from kampong.. I know from the beginning we are not meant to be together if this thing happen continuosly...:( i need strength O Lord! More strength to face everythg! Let time heals.. Let time decide everythg...

InDaH pAda waKtuNya ^_^

yaii~~~ its been awhileee oooo since i update my blog.. hahahha.. well, its been awhile and soo many things happen.. out of my control.. sitting down in front of the computer, i suddenly recall how 2012 had been sooooo mean and cruel to me.. losing 2 family members, being jobless, family problems... wow, you can name it,all the bad things happened to me...

phewww!!! wat a bad dragon year for me huh! many  married couple excited to get new family members, i hope and pray that it is the good thing happen to them.... they receive bundle of joy, but i lost two immediate family members.

May 5, 2012, the day i lost my very young, a good handyman, a father of 4, a husband, a brother to my mother whom i call him UNCLE. the tragedy happen at Tanjung Lipat, a place where we used to have picnic by the sea side and the men in the family will go merambat for the fish.. nah, at that particular day is a public Holiday for wesak day and also weekend. so, the night before, my late uncle is the one who rally get excited to go for the picnic. He woke up early that day, which he dont really do, put on white long sleeve t-shirt and prepare the food to bring. he even manage to go for bfast with his wife before they left. and they arrived there at about 7am... i just cant recall how many of them, either 3@4, my late uncle, my big uncle and my cousin in law. so to make it short, my uncle drown because maybe, the current inside the sea pull him and he just cannot fight it.. my cousin in-law tried to push him, but he also cannot hold on to the current, if he try to save him, he might also b drown. phewwww! :'( in a blink of an eye, he disappear and my cousin in law shout for help, they tried to seek for help from the boat nearby, few minutes later, my late uncle's body float, and they pull him and try to give CPR, but useless, blood already come out from the mouth and nose...they rush him to Likas Hospital, everyone are told, and unfortunately, that particular weekend, im was not around, i was at Bundu Tuhan Retreat Center for a retreat..Phew!!! i just cannot think, i dunno how am i going to go home at that time...did i question God? yes i did.. asking Him why did he do this to me? to my family? amd to his wife and children? especially the day after is his wedding anniversary???? isn't that cruel enuf to happen?? and yeah, after this happen, everyone believe there areee too many sign already bfore it happen... i myself dreamed my molar teeth broke and fell on its own couple of days before that tragedy happened. my aunty which is my late uncle's wife also dreamed the same thing, but hers worst than mine. he dreamed all of her teeth broke in to pieces.. yes this is the sign which we cant just take for granted. u'll say that its only a dream, ridiculous and so on, but i believe sometimes we have to respect our ancestor belief. :)

not long after my uncle passed away, there we go again.. another mourning time... my dearest grandmother was called to eternal rest 3 days after my birthday and the day i was not around AGAIN. why i am not around??. this time i was in Tambunan joining the Sabah Youth Day 3... This time i really feel burden with everythg. i am really into the syd thingy, i have been jobless just to give my time to this big event.. only 3 days being part of the SYD-3 family, and i have to pack my bags and go home!!! its sad, but yeah, blood is thicker than water, again it reminds me that my family need me the most at this moment... and u know wut,that morning my dad called me telling me wat is happening and asked me to go home, i was soo afraid to hold my hanphone as  im afraid to receive any text and call from them. ok, to make it short, i thanked God for a good samariton who willingly to drive me and my two younger sisters home all the way from tambunan to my house in Penampang. and i reach home safely at midnight to join my family for the mourning. eventhough i cant finish my syd3 thing, i believe, that i celebrate it with my family in a different way..

 That is when i see God really work in His own way and time. He shows me that He is Love and he never leave me in times of trouble... this is wat i learn from this 2 big event in my life throughout 2012, that God really works in His time.. His beautiful times.. being jobless, so that i can concentrate with my family, being jobless but still, He provides me with everything... never He abandoned me, and never he let me starve. :) And that i am proud to say that He is my God. :))

In His Perfect Time....

God's plan never to destroy us, but to save us...

perfectly said...

< y.0.U.+.h >

"pemimpin pelapis gereja"

Simple backdrop

"planted and built up in Jesus Christ, firm in the faith" (Col 2:7) theme for the world youth day celebrated every year that falls on Palm Sunday... and as the youth leader in the parish, kami menyahut panggilan itu untuk gathered all the youths in the parish to celebrate them as young people.. as the gift of the Church.. but for me personally more in appreciating them so that they may feel the heart of belonging... as for me, this gathering help me to see the face of Jesus in them... i reaaly feel touched after seeing all the pic taken (courtesy to Mr Hermes for the pic)... i can say that i love them.. belia-belia ini seperti kain putih yang perlu dilukis warnanya... enjoy the pic!

our main speaker.. Seminarian Jeffrey Gumu,deacon to be.. lets continue to pray for him!!

using rocks to make the cross stand...

Group Sharing....

interaction

 

 their faces... can you see Jesus in them???

their ownself

their naturall looks

the smiless

i was browsing movie on the Passion of the Christ  for my material for for youth program this Palm Sunday. and i found this video that touch me soo deep!!. is there any human being on this earth now punished, beaten and crucified like Jesus?? is there any??????? He is beaten and forced to carry the cross, the cross that belongs to us! but yet, He still said to the people, "bless them Father for they do not know what they have done"... is there anyone who dare to say this even when people let us down, when our own friend hurt us.. betray us?? even my self, its hard to forgive. yeah we can easily said that i forgive you, but deep in our heart its will leave scars and we might not forget the pain..and i am the one should crucified on that crosss!!! He died because of my sins! But my Jesus never fail us...  i admire Him soooo damn much.. watching this simple video taught me that there are no worldly love can give me such love... Worldly love failed me... hurts me.... and dissapoint me.. but Your love assure me, comfort me, heal me, strengthen me and above all gives me joy!!!

SInGlE

hmmm... how am i gonna start... i start my day very hard..last night was a long long night for me... as today is the Ash Wednesday.. i feel bad... reaalyy bad... how stupid i am to defend this 3 years relationship.. feel so stupid to say the word 'PLEASE'.. but, i know, he is not meant to me after all... he had been so good..caring and loving... but at the same time he felt forced and scared of me.. yup..i admit it that is not love. love is when u sincerely wan to care and love sum1... not by force, not by you have to... so, now, i have to setel down..going back to 0... its hard for sure... everythg i do, everythg i see remind me of him.. i take my hp, remind me of him... eveythg~~ remind me of him... pendek kata, too many memoriess being wif him.... its like u are getting divorced letter from ur hubby... its more than painfull... its better for me to get stab than dealing with this..... hmmm.... wat so ever... i'll try to b gud.. be gentle wif him... if he thing breaking up is the best way, what choice do i have? i'm single anyway once he treated me like dis...  i'm still young..24 years old... i just hope that i can find sumone that can love and care for me without forced.... i know that God is not that cruel.. i know He is not bad.... He is sooo pure in love... i'm the one who blind.... and stupid somemore... mayb this is the point or a msg to me from Him that i should come back to Him.. trust Him more than human being on earth... Love myself more than anyone else... He provide pure love and never leave me alone.. He is there for me.. even i left Him for another guy, he never find someone to replace my place.. i always have place in Him... and i m so sure that my jodoh is not here yet... so, i have to b strong bcoz God knows that i am strong... i believe He will send me an angel to comfort me...
right now, i just need motivation to go tru lyf.. i just need companion... this is the times i nid my friendsss..my gila2 friends who make me laugh.... and  now i dun have curfew somemore!! hahahha...there are no 11pm ordy.. i can do and sleep whenever i like... it will b hard at the beginning when u ussed to do that every night for 3 years kan... wahh..i just cant imagine how my lyfe will change after this.... will totally change!!!! OMG!!!!

-to be continue-

I'm not strong enough dealing with this.. i really need companion who dont ask for what is happening but being there for me. just being there is more than enough.. rather than keep asking for what is happening and after that act like nothg happen..

'Berserahlah kepada Juruselamat, yang akan menyembuhkan deritamu' this verse motivate me to move on...no matter what lyfe may gives and bring to me.. 'Kalo suda tiba masa dia kita mau kahwin, kahwin juga kita tu' - by Fr. Michael Modoit.. His homily during my frends Dean and Tenten (Suzanne) wedding day today. Yes! each and everyone of us have our own time.. God is not cruel.. He is the God of LOVE, he Love us and prepare for us the best that he have. I dont deny at this age of mine, entering 24 years old, i'm dreaming of a special guy in my life..getting engage and getting bz wif marriage...imagine the wedding gowns, wedding rings, wedding decorations! who dont isnt it?? but am i prepared enuf to get into this phase of lyfe? financially? physically? mentally? of coz im jelos wif my frends of my age and even younger than me getting engage and married.. but getting married is a lifetime vow to take! and its not simply a vow, it is a vow we will live until the end of our lyfe.  i remember reading a note of my friend Aline Lim on this. ' I am not looking for someone to un-single me'. Yes! thats what i mean! its a lifetime vow!  and i am now looking for sum1 who really can take me, can carry me, can save me in my times of sickness, happiness, joy, sorrows, dissapointments and the one who are patient wif all my weakneses.. i know i'm quite choosy on dis, but God said he already prepare sum1 for me... and i am made from his ribs.. so, whoever he is, i believe he will love me for who i am. and i am sooo sure that i will love him wif all my lyfe... so to all of my friends who are married, getting married and is wif sum1 special, i pray for your happines and understanding in your relationship. 'Understanding makes the relationship united' - Fr. M. Modoit.. i believe you are happy too right? some foto to share.. more will come!!

Ms Suzanne Savia Osmund before she is declared united wif his hubby, Mr. Dennis Patrick